I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
