My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
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