that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
