there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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