There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
