I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
