We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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