you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
