I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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