Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
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It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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