At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
