If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize