I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
