benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
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My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
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How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
there is puke in my bra ... again
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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