Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
