he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
