why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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