Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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