how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
