My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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