So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
