I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
