i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
