Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
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