btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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