I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize