My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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