Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
