Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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