I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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