I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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