Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
