Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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