Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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