You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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