a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
