His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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