Who wears a wallet chain?!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
