Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dignity is for republicans.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
