apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize