it was like his penis was on wheels.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
