So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
