yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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