Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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