So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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