I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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