the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
