I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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