i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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