Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
