That's intense
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
