I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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