Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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