I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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