Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
