i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
