the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
