Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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