so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
