he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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