Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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