She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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