So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
