i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
