i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
