well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
