The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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