I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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