dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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