Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
