Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
