Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
