apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
