I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
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Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
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I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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